A Rose in the Grey
by mountaingirl47
Summary: Twoshot: 1.Ikuto dies in a tragic accident and Amu must come to terms with losing him, but he won't let her go. Amu is forced to decide, will she continue living or join him in the grey? 2. Amu is killed. Ikuto must keep his promise to wait for her.
1. Chapter 1

Morg: Heyo! I hope you guys like this one too.

Ikuto: I don't.

Amu: I'm not so sure I like it either.

Morg: Don't care! I'm writing it anyways.

Ikuto: Loser.

Amu: Don't say that Ikuto. She doesn't own us so we can just pretend that this story never happened.

Morg: Whatever… This story has taken me three days to write from start to finish. Usually I write a chapter in about an hour and a half. That's how much work I've put into this one. I truly hope you guys enjoy it.

**~A Rose in the Grey~**

September

January

July

April

August

The day, week, month or year makes no difference anymore. He isn't here to share them with me. Why should they matter? I'm so alone with all these people around me, trying to comfort me. Telling me that it will be okay and that he'd want me to move on with my life. They didn't know him. Not like I did. To them he was a thief, a liar, a stray and an enemy. To me… To me he was everything.

And I never told him.

XXX

The things in my room are against me. Everything reminds me of him. The time he picked that up or the time I tried to hide this from him. My bed still holds his scent. He's been gone for months and I still don't have the courage to enter that forbidden zone. My mama understands. She knows. He spent time with me there. I can't go back. Not yet.

The door that blocks off the rest of the world from my acclaimed basement squeaks open to reveal a short silhouette. Another one of my friends has come to make me face myself. "Amu, you're going out with me today. I need you."

I let her come fully down the stairs before I pointedly stare blankly at the wall. I don't answer. I don't think. Thinking is bad. Thinking makes me remember. Remember him.

She takes my silence as a yes rather than a no. Instead of fighting I allow Rima to change me out of my week old smelly sweat pants and t-shirt. She even pushes me into the shower. I take my time to see if she will get frustrated and leave. She doesn't.

"Let's go Amu! I'm not going to wait forever. Either you get out or we go with you naked and soapy!"

I turn the water off and take the towel that she threw on my head off to dry myself. Clothes are waiting for me on my bed. Not the ones that I have in my basement. She went in there. That place no one has been allowed to enter. "Get out."

"Come on Amu. You have to wear them sometime. Why let them gather dust up there. They are your clothes and it's your room. Use them!"

She tries to stand her ground but she doesn't get it. My anger only builds. For the first time since they told me, I feel something. This scares me. "GET OUT!"

Rima scampers up the stairs but stops to look back at me from the top. My hair is soaking wet as it clings to my shoulders and chest. I am still naked with the towel long thrown away out of anger. "I'll be back, Amu. You're going to get out of this funk somehow."

I snarl as she slams the door shut behind her. If there was anything in the basement, besides my couch and comfy clothes, then I would have thrown it at her. Why couldn't she see that I wasn't ready? I turned to face something that I didn't want to see. An outfit that I knew very well. The one I wore when I first heard him play. She had to pick that one. The fates were taunting me. I stared at the innocent clothing that mocked me with all its might, saying that it would forever remember that night perfectly while I would forget. Here I stand with the memories fighting to gain control of my mind, to force me to relive it. I can almost hear him playing.

Then my ears really do pick up the sound. A violin. The music wafts from up the stairs. The door is open a crack from when it jumped back after Rima's violent exit. I stare up towards the tiny sliver of light in my darkness. Could this be another ruse? Without bothering to find the towel or my clothes, I ascend the stairs. It's around midday. My family is not here. Ami is now attending school. She's still too young to understand. I stopped going.

The house is empty. I follow the music from the top of the stairs towards the living room. The TV is on. The channel is set to a classical station. I stand and listen for a moment before slowly letting my eyes close. It's almost as if he is there in my living room once more, playing just for me. My eyes snap open and I slam my palm against the button on the TV. Silence greets my ears. Silence I can deal with. It is not demanding. Silence understands. It lets me have my pain and asks nothing in return. Before emotions can enter my mind once more, I flee back to my darkness.

XXX

Clothed once more in clean sweat pants and a new t-shirt, I sit on the bottom step and glare at the back of my couch. I can almost see the pristine outfit sitting lightly on the cushions hidden from view. I cannot ask my mother to do this. No one is allowed to enter there. I cannot keep the precious outfit down in the darkness with me. It's almost like a flashlight in my gloom. The brightness the cloth omits is blinding. I sit with my eyes closed and try to pretend like it isn't there, but the clothes continue to push against my senses. I can hear the cloth rustling.

My eyes snap open as the sound fades. I stand to peek over the couch. My clothes are gone. My ears have not been deceived. I scan the basement for any sign of where the articles may have gone. There, lying against the floor near the far wall as if I'd thrown them myself. They weren't happy about being disturbed either. I needed to get them back to where they belonged. I'd have to do it myself.

Preparing my mind for such a task is harder than actually doing the task. I cannot allow myself to think of anything while I'm in there. I only need to return them to the closet and then I'll be allowed to stay in the dark once more.

The journey begins. My feet take me up the dark stairs and through the house. It isn't until I'm about to touch the handle that my brain realizes where I am. Rather than turning back, I push myself forward and enter the one room no had been in for months. A thin layer of dust covers most of the items along shelves and my desk. Even unmade, my bed looks unused, as it should considering no one is allowed to touch it. Even the curtains for my balcony are closed tight.

The closet is just like the rest of the room. I hold my breath as I return the outfit to its proper place. The tiny room is more dangerous and I knew it was wrong to think so, but he'd spent time hiding where I am now, waiting for me to let him out. He isn't waiting anymore. He isn't here anymore.

I run for the door to escape but it slams shut before I can get to it. No one is in the house. This shouldn't be happening to me. I twist the handle and plead for the door to give so I can get out. Things start moving on my shelves. Pictures, toys, books and everything else vibrate in their spots. My now empty Chara bag sits on my desk. I can hear it sliding. My head turns and I catch sight of it flying swiftly towards me through the air. I duck and curl into a ball just in time for it to miss me and slam into the door. Other items begin flying out of their spots as I stay curled. My arms cover my head so that I cannot see what is happening. I don't want it to happen. My room blames me for his absence. Things that knew him well are against me now.

Everything is going to be ruined by this invisible whirlwind. Any trace of him that was left will be destroyed by the dust and debris flying around my room. Miraculously nothing hits me as I lay huddled on the floor.

The door slams open. My mother stands in the frame as she stares down at me. "Amu! Stop screaming! It's going to be all right. Come on get up let's get you out of here."

I try to tell her to be careful. Then I realize that she is right. I am screaming. I'm screaming so hard and so loud that my throat feels as though it is about to collapse and never let me utter a sound again. I clamp my jaw down so that I quiet myself. Her hands move to under my arms and pull me to my feet. I allow her to lead me to the door. I can still hear myself screaming in my head but my ears only pick up whimpers from my firmly shut lips.

My body goes rigid as we're about to leave. One last fleeting thought crosses my mind. Maybe if I put everything back where it goes fast enough, he won't be gone from here. I turn my head as we exit to the hall to see everything exactly where it's supposed to be. Not one speck of dust is out of place.

XXX

"She's still not ready. I'm worried for her. I found her in her room today. All she was doing was screaming as she lay curled up on her floor as if not knowing how she got there. It would help if she'd just cry."

The voice is sympathetic but the words are full of worry. The second voice is full of only confusion.

"My little sparrow still won't fly? How do we get her to face what has happened and deal with it?"

They don't understand me. Not thinking about it _is_ a way to deal with it. I don't want to think about it. It's my choice. They should stop interfering.

"I feel as though we've failed as her parents."

No.

"Maybe we didn't do something right when she was younger and that's why she won't open up to us now."

No.

"Maybe we just aren't trying hard enough now. I thought giving her space would work but she's only slipping further away. This is all my fault."

No! My mother is wrong. This isn't her fault. She didn't take him away from me. She isn't the one that didn't tell him. Tell him my feelings for him so he wouldn't leave. So he wouldn't go. So he wouldn't. . . I'm the one that's broken. I'm the one that is ruined. They did nothing wrong.

Tears slide down my face for the first time in months. Sobs escape my throat. Footsteps near the door I am sitting behind. Light floods in as my mama peeks in at me.

"Oh Amu!"

I'm enveloped in her arms as she drops to her knees to hold me. I feel her tears falling on my head. Papa joins us and takes my other side. Together the three of us cry. They cry for my pain and I cry for theirs.

XXX

Rima is back. She apologizes for trying to force me the other day. My mother must have told her about finding me in my room. At least Rima understands that it is her fault I was in there.

I need her help. I've been so busy hiding my pain from even myself that my parents feel as though I'm fading away. Why can't they understand that I don't want them to see me because I know it hurts them? "Rima."

Her head snaps up and she meets my gaze for the first time in weeks. I can see the confusion and excitement in her eyes. "Yes Amu?"

"Get me out of here."

Her eyes widen further as if I'm speaking some unknown language. She doesn't hesitate to grab my arm and drag me up the stairs. We forgo the shower and change of clothes today. Soon enough we are standing just outside my front door. The sunlight burns my eyes and my pale flesh drinks it in greedily.

Rima smiles as she takes a deep breath. She doesn't let go of my hand and drags me down the steps and towards the sidewalk. "Where do you want to go?"

"Somewhere where I won't be reminded."

"The park?"

"No."

"The school?"

"No."

"The mall?"

"… Okay."

She smiles happily and begins to drag me in the direction of the mall. I focus on the ground since she's leading I don't need to look where I am going. My mind is left blank. People call out greetings to us as we pass. Rima acknowledges some of them. I acknowledge none of them.

From store to store she drags me, buying anything I look at. I don't have the heart to tell her that I will never wear them. The colors are too bright for me now. I like my darkness. If not for my parents worrying, I'd never leave it. I'd never face the sun or the light. The light doesn't allow you to hide the truth. The truth that hurts more than pain.

One store is playing music. Classical music. The violin enters the song and I freeze. Rima pauses as she feels me resist her. I look up towards the speakers on the ceiling and her eyes follow my gaze. An understanding happens between the two of us. She leads me out without a word. The music fades and is gone. My mind is safe.

At the food court she asks if I want anything. I stare at her so she leaves me at a table. I know people are looking at me. I can feel their gazes on my skin. Their minds are wondering who I am and what I'm doing. I keep my head bent and my eyes on the table in front of me. I'll endure their looks for my parents. I can be strong.

Out of the corner of my eye I catch a flash of blue. Not just any blue, his blue. My head turns so quickly that I hear several of my watchers gasp. My eyes scan for the blue. My mind doesn't want to see it, but I cannot stop my eyes.

"Amu? What are you doing?"

Rima is back. I relax my breathing and turn to look up at her. She is holding two milkshakes. The one she sets in front of me is chocolate. My favorite. His favorite. I shut my mind down and drink the drink. This makes Rima happy so I don't stop until it is gone. This is more than I have eaten in one sitting in a long time. Her smile is now so large that I'm afraid of it. Will it jump to my face when it runs out of room on hers?

"I knew you just needed to get out of the stupid basement."

I stare at her and realize she's waiting for me to respond. "Yeah…"

Her smile doesn't fade for a second. I realize then that I've been hurting Rima as well. I begin to wonder about my other friends. I haven't thought about them since…

"Rima? How are the other guardians doing?"

Her smile fades. This is a question she did not expect. "For the most part good. Tadase left after you stopped coming. We don't know where he is. We still fight X-eggs but we aren't as good without you. Utau has been helping. She and Kukai do most of the fighting now. She wants to see you."

The information sinks in but the severity of it does not. I won't allow it to. Tadase is also gone but he left by choice. Utau stuck around and this doesn't surprise me. Without him here, she has no one else to be with. I knew she liked Kukai anyways. "And Yaya?"

"She's still the baby although she and Kairi have made quite the pair. Nagi and I have been spending quite a lot of time together as well."

I nod my head and she beams at me. I know that she is satisfied for now so I remain silent. After a while we go back to my house. I head straight for the basement and feel myself relax as I descend into the darkness. Rima follows, but I don't mind.

She takes a seat on my couch and waits. I don't know what she's waiting for so I wait too. Suddenly she stands up and moves over to me. "Tell me Amu, do you still think about him?"

My mind instantly goes on the alert. "I don't think at all."

"That's wrong. You're disgracing his memory. Think about him. Let things remind you of who he was. Don't block out the good thoughts just to get rid of the bad. Think about only the good things so there isn't room for the bad."

I stare at her and her logic makes sense. I don't want it to, but she's right. "Everything reminds me. Clothes, books, toys, blue. I don't want to be reminded. It still hurts. Everything hurts."

Rima holds me now. "It's going to hurt for a long time. You have to embrace the pain and show him that you can do it on your own. You can still be the strong you without him here to hold you up."

"What if I can't be?"

She is silent for only a moment. "You have us. Tadase might have left, but the rest of us are here for you. You should see Utau."

Tears leak out again. This time I am not crying for someone else. This time I am crying for me and for him. For what we never got to have. She's right. She's right about everything. I need to leave my basement. I have to face the light and everything it shows.

"Help me?"

For the rest of the day we clean my room. I still won't touch the bed or the curtains, but the dust is swiftly removed and I wear something from my closet again. For the first time in weeks I greet Ami as she comes home from school. She is so excited that she hugs me until I can't feel my arms. Later in the evening, my mother smiles from the doorway.

XXX

A cool breeze rushes over my skin. A cold object runs the length of my cheek. I sit up fast and stare with wide eyes at my open balcony. The curtain is pulled all the way back and the door is open. It should be locked. For the first time in the week since I returned to my room, I'm sleeping in my bed.

An almost silent meow comes from the floor. I must have dislodged whatever was licking me when I sat up so quickly. I flick on my lamp to see two eyes staring up at me. A kitten found its way into my room. Tears burn my eyes but do not fall. I force myself to think about him and Yoru. All the times the mischievous chara had shown up with a gang of stray kittens flash through my mind. Rima said I should remember so I do. The cheeky smile the kitten used to wear reminds me of my own charas that vanished the moment I heard the news.

My crying must have been loud. My mother quickly flicks on the light and tries to comfort me on my bed. I point out the kitten but she doesn't understand why this would make me sad. At some point, Ami is woken up by the noise and comes in. She takes the kitten and leaves. She knows.

I quiet down and it dawns on my mother that the cat had some connection to him. She soothes me until I fall back asleep before closing my balcony door and leaving me in my dreams.

XXX

Whether the kitten still resides in the house or not, I do not know. If it does then Ami does a wonderful job of keeping it out of my sight. The kitten is the only thing I don't see. My eyes pick up every trace of blue no matter where I am. I see it everywhere. I remember him everywhere. Now I cannot get his face out of my mind. I still won't think his name, but I know it is only a matter of time before I feel that pain.

Some days I still spend time in the basement. Though I do it more frequently with the lights on rather than off. Today is a day when I went with Rima for a walk. We happened to pass by an alleyway filled with stray cats. It was almost like they were waiting for me. I ran. I didn't wait for Rima. Even without Ran I was faster than her. I made it back into the basement only to flick the light on and find something lying on the floor.

The object was in the middle of the room as if it had been tossed down the stairs. I doubted my mother would put anything down there without telling me first since she knows that I still spend time there. I cautiously approach the small item. I know what it is but my mind refuses to acknowledge it until I am about to pick it up.

A cross.

A black cross.

My mind speeds up into overdrive as I think about all the times he wore a cross. This one is not like the ones he wore, but it's still a cross. I let out a yelp and scoot as far back from the cold object as I can. With my eyes closed, I huddle into a corner and rock myself until the flashes of him stop.

This is how Ami finds me. She coaxes me out so that I will tell her what is wrong. I point towards the floor where the cross lays only to find the spot empty.

XXX

The more I leave the basement and live in my room the more I see him. I see him turn a corner on the street or our eyes meet in the windows or a mirror. He's never there when I turn around or chase after him. He always disappears. No one else can see him. Why me? Why must I suffer with the knowledge that he is here but he isn't?

XXX

Rima is becoming more and more anxious for me. She and my parents have had several talks regarding who is with me when I leave the house. I am no longer allowed to go out on my own. After finding me on the school's roof and in an abandoned amusement park, my parents made this rule. I didn't try to explain what I was doing in those places. They wouldn't understand. The worst one was when Rima found me on top of a building. She didn't understand the connection since that building was only being built when I flew with Ran for the first time. He had been the one to coax me up so high.

I knew that Rima didn't want anything bad to happen so she started going on my walks with me. One day she finally pointed out that we always end up at the same house. I didn't know how to explain that this is where he lived. I didn't know for sure since I'd never been there, but this was his house. Something told me, almost as if it was showing me that I needed to be there. Like with all the other places they found me.

To prove my point I ring the doorbell. Utau answers. To say she is shocked to see me is an understatement. I let Rima do all the talking. I don't even pay attention to the conversation. We left with Utau's promise to visit me at my house the next day.

She came bearing a strap that held a case to her shoulder. I knew what it was without having to think. I have to make sure that my anxiety over seeing the object stays hidden as she comes in to talk with me. Rima isn't here so I have to talk with her on my own. At first we just stare at one another. Neither of us knows the words to use to start this difficult conversation.

Finally she lays the case at my feet. "He wanted you to have this. I found a note in his room stating that his most precious item should go to his most precious Amu. I know that his… absence is harder for you than anyone else including me, but please don't let it affect you for the rest of your life."

How do I explain that the person that is missing won't leave me alone? I tried not thinking about him but am forced to. So I think only about the good things, but this makes me seem even stranger since while I'm remembering I go into a sort of trance. "I'm doing my best. My parents would say that I've made progress."

Utau stared at me. "What do you think?"

No one has asked me that since Rima wanted to know if I still thought about him. "He's everywhere. I can't get away from him no matter how hard I try. I'm going to live the rest of my life with him regardless of the fact that you can't see him. I can feel him sometimes. He touches my face or my arms. I feel his kisses on my cheeks when I'm standing somewhere we'd been before."

Her expression doesn't shock me. She's so surprised that it takes her a couple of minutes to decide on a response. "I feel better now that I've given you his violin. Something's been almost pushing me to get it to you. I think it was him. I think he wanted you to have it. I don't feel him like you do, but I believe you."

For the first time someone takes what I'm telling them and doesn't try to write it off as something else. I smile. Actually smile. It's been months since a smile has chanced across my face. My mouth feels weird in this position so I discard the smile quickly, but Utau still sees it.

Utau understands that I'm thankful for her. She stands to leave and I rise to follow her to the door. "I'm glad that I was able to give you something this special to the both of you. Please don't hesitate to call me or come over again if you ever just feel like talking."

I wave as she leaves before returning to my room. I stare at the case and try to fight the sudden urge I have to just hold it tightly to my chest. I know it's him. He's always doing that to me. I finally give in and at least touch it after staring at it for almost ten minutes. Sparks seem to ignite in my fingers as I unhook the clasps.

The violin inside is still perfectly kept just like it would be if he was still the one carrying it around. I run my fingers over the bow and feel the same electricity running from it to me. I don't dare take anything out or move it an inch. There is a small pouch in the corner of the case. Inside I find a small flip out knife. I assume it's for caring for the instrument somehow and leave it alone.

On its own shelf, I safely store the violin where I can see it from my bed. Lying in the dark, I can feel his presence stronger than I ever could before. Utau has no idea what she has given me. It's almost as if he's standing at the base of my bed directly between me and his violin. The urge to take the case and go for a walk almost overcomes me, but I fight it off and go to sleep. That night the dreams start.

XXX

I wake up sweating to find something cold around my neck. In the light I find it's my lock necklace. He has the key. Rima mentioned once that he was buried with it. That was the first time she got me to talk. I told her that if I was to die before my parents then I wanted to be next to him and I wanted to be wearing my necklace as well. After that I wasn't allowed near sharp objects.

I have not worn the necklace since before he left that time. I couldn't even remember where it had ended up after I'd tossed it someplace carelessly. Now it is around my neck. The dream I'd just had about him was already fading. I only remember that I need to see him. He wants me to go to where he is. The only spot I can think of that means that is the one place that I have refused to go to. I still don't want to go there.

XXX

They aren't nightmares but they won't stop. No matter how hard I try, I can never make it to him when he calls for me. His voice haunts me during the day and I feel his presence more than ever, always compelling me to go to that place. It's as if there is some kind of magnet forcing me there against my will. I fight with all my might and so far have kept my distance from that place.

XXX

Someone can't watch me all the time. I find myself going to all the same places that I went to with him. The park, amusement park, school, alleyways and the Easter building are places that I frequent now. Rima knows to look for me there. I know that she's worried that my wandering will get me into serious trouble and I've heard the talks she's had with our other friends. They have yet to come around, but I understand. I'm not the most sociable person. Their distance is met with gratitude.

XXX

The urge is stronger than ever before. The dreams are more intense. I want to be with him so badly. To just once more hold him and allow him to hold me. To tell him what I should have long ago. I don't know how much longer I can resist.

XXX

_The fog is so thick that I cannot see anything. I know that he is here. I can feel his presence._

_"Why are you resisting me, strawberry? Be with me so that I can hold you and love you forever."_

_I don't let these words get me flustered but I feel the blush that only he can put on my cheeks, rise up and heat my face. I'm at my breaking point. I need him. I need to see him. "Where are you?"_

_"I'm right here my rose in the grey. Come and be with me forever. I'm waiting."_

_"Who are you?"_

_I know the answer to this question but my mind has blocked it. As if I know on a subconscious level that thinking or speaking his name will send me over the edge, I have refused him._

_His chuckle reaches my ears and makes me feel warm. "Call my name Amu-koi. Say it. Tell me that you want to be with me."_

_My mouth opens and my mind reacts with horror. I can't do it. "I-I want-t y-you."_

_"My name love. What's my name?"_

_"I-I c-can't-t! I can't! Help me!"_

Music wakes me from my fitful sleep. This is not an uncommon dream. In fact I have it while I'm awake sometimes. Tears stream down my burning face. My blush is still present from the stuttering I did before him. I try to find out where the music is coming from. The radio next to my bed is off, but violin music softly slips out of it. Ripping the cord from the wall, I try to find peace. It doesn't stop.

For the first time since then I go out onto my balcony. The radio still playing softly above my head, I hurl it to the ground. It smashes but the music only grows louder. I hear the door to my room burst open and someone shouting for me. The door to my balcony slams shut, closing me off from the rest of the world. Fists pound against the glass as I stare down at the broken object. Oh how it and I are so much alike. Both broken but still working, if only barely.

I collapse to my knees and listen to the sound of someone crying. My back is to the door but I can hear them just on the other side, screaming my name. Everyone is separated from me. The only one on my side of this void is him and he's still too far away for me to reach.

The glass shatters around me. Arms grab a hold of me and pull me into what they believe is the safety of the room. The glass that cuts my skin sends shivers of pleasure through my body. It doesn't cut me anywhere bad enough to do any real damage. Somewhere deep inside of me I feel the disappointment in knowing this.

We cry together as they hug me. They cry because I'm okay and still alive. I cry because I don't want to be.

XXX

At first I could only feel him. Now his voice whispers to me. The only two words I hear are so common that they are almost background noise now.

_Hurry_.

I do my best to act as though I am not hearing his voice. I love the sound, but this knowledge will frighten my family. Ami has gone back on the alert and searches through the house for anything that may set me off or anything I could use to harm myself. The items in my room are looked through. All of them except his violin case. No one is allowed to touch that.

_Come._

My mind screams for me to tell my parents to restrain me. If only I can fight off the urge for a little longer then I will be able to live my life. My body won't allow me to do this. I try several times but the furthest I get is opening my mouth. My vocal cords will not function.

I would do it myself, but anything I could have used has been removed. My parents worry is only going to make me go sooner.

_Hurry._

I cannot resist. My time is soon to expire.

XXX

"Rima, I want to see everyone. Let's have a meeting in the Garden like we used to. Do you think anyone will be able to get a hold of Tadase?"

Her eyes widen in surprise before she grins like an idiot. "I don't know, but I sure will try! When do you want to get together?"

My mind screams as soon as possible, but I calm myself down. "As soon as everyone can be together. I miss you guys."

I've never seen her look happier. Maybe she thinks that I'm finally getting back to my old self. I can never be that girl again. That girl had him. I don't, at least not in the same way.

"I'll call everyone tonight. Let's say in about two days. Is that enough time for you?"

Her words carry a different meaning to me than she meant them to. "I think it should."

I watch her from the couch in my living room as she leaves, grinning every step of the way.

XXX

Laughter fills my ears as I look around the room at my friends. They have all paired up. The only two alone are myself and Tadase. He looks out of sorts being back with us then again I feel out of sorts being with all of them. I smile and laugh when they tell stories or jokes. I'm doing my best to have fun and make sure they don't feel awkward.

Rima sits next to Nagi. Yaya sits on Kairi. Utau does her best to act as though she doesn't care one way or the other about Kukai but I can see it. They are all going to have full lives. Tadase looks forlorn.

_Hurry._

_Come._

I smile as they say goodbye and allow Rima to walk me home. She hands me off to my parents before heading off to find Nagi. I watch her leave like I always do, glad that I have a friend like her. One that didn't give up on me or stay away when I needed them most. I have to rid myself of this feeling and chose between him and them. One way or another I will make my decision.

_Hurry._

Finally I whisper back. "I'm coming."

XXX

The wind picks up and masks the sound of the front door closing behind me. The only thing I carry is the violin case. My lock necklace is pulling me towards the key. I allow it to take me there for the first time. A surge of relief fills me as if to say that I am finally doing what I am meant to do.

The feeling is so fantastic that I almost want to skip on my way. I should be afraid to be in this place at night. Especially during a storm. I'm not. I'm happy. I know it's not really me that is happy. It's him. He's the one that is pulling me to him. He doesn't know what I have decided. I don't know what I have decided.

Without ever knowing where it was, I stand in front of his grave. For the first time since I heard, I acknowledge the fact that he is dead. Gone but not gone. "Ikuto."

His name fills my mouth and mind. The wind takes it and carries it to the rest of the world. In response I hear the sound of him laughing. Kneeling before his headstone, I trace his name with my fingers.

"I love you. Since before and forever. I love you. Please, let me go."

_Come._

The voice isn't pleading this time. It's demanding. I'm still unafraid of it. I know it's him and I know he wouldn't hurt me. Pain can't hurt me, without him, I'm already dead.

"Let me live. I'll come to be with you soon enough."

I feel relieved though he still pressures my mind. I feel the urge to lie down on his grave, but I resist. Instead I pull the lock off over my head and lay it on his grave. Forcing my legs to move, I stand against his force and begin to struggle away. The violin lay next to his headstone. The last thing I remember before feeling the pain hit my back is thinking that this won't work. He wouldn't let me go that easily. And he doesn't.

XXX

"Rima, its Midori. Amu disappeared and we can't find her anywhere. Do you know where she might have gone?"

It's strange to me that I can see what is happening as my family discovers my absence and a panic starts in the rush to find me. I can tell that Rima is going to the list of places that I usually disappear off to. They make plans and begin searching. I don't dare cry out for anyone to find me. I don't want them to.

The knife in my hands gleams with the flash of lighting. His eyes stare up at me from the blade as I hold it in front of my chest. My death will be quick and painless. I will be with him forever.

There is no pain as I cradle the knife with my heart. There is no sorrow as my world dims and I can finally see him through the fog. His hands are stretched out for me to take. I lunge for them and he catches me.

_Amu._

_Ikuto._

It is enough. We are together, laughing and hugging the way it should be. Just before he leads me off through the dark to a place full of light, we watch my mother discover my old shell. The husk that carried me around and trapped me inside of it for too long. Her cries are full of hurt and anger. For a fleeting moment I appear before her with my Ikuto in my arms. She smiles through her tears as she finally understands that he is the only way I will ever be happy.

We turn together and walk away, leaving the others that have joined my mother and watch her cry. I do not look back. I do not regret.

.

Morg: This just came to me a few days ago when I was driving home from work and I've been working and reworking it ever since to make it perfect. I can't believe that it is finally finished. That is the end. There is no next chapter.

Ikuto: I told you at the beginning that I didn't like it.

Amu: That's because you aren't in it very much.

Ikuto: Say what you want but you came to me in the end didn't you? That means you love me.

Amu: No it doesn't!

Ikuto: Yes it does. You even said so!

Morg: Review I guess. This could take a while…


	2. Chapter 2

Morg: Heyo! So here is the same thing as the first oneshot except their places are reversed. I said that there wasn't a second chapter and this isn't a second chapter. It's another oneshot but I didn't want to give it its own title since this one worked so perfectly.

Ikuto: This is stupid. Why do you keep writing these things?

Amu: Great! Now I'm the one that died.

Morg: I'll kill you both…

Ikuto: Excellent! Another pointless threat from Morg!

Amu: You don't own us.

**~A Rose in the Grey~**

"Amu! Amu! Thank God I found you! Please hold on!"

"Ikuto."

No! Her voice is so weak. This can't be happening. She's strong! She'll be okay! I drop to my knees and pull her head into my lap. Her golden orbs stare up at me but not with fear or anger. She looks at peace despite the rough shape her body is in. "Please hold on. I'm going to save you."

"Ikuto, my body is dead."

"NO!"

Tears fall from my eyes to hers. She doesn't blink.

"I asked them to let me stay with it so that I can see you one last time. Promise me Ikuto."

My hands smooth back her hair. It can't be too late. I can't be too late. "No, you'll be okay. How can you be dead if you're still speaking with me? It's just your body's way of relieving the pain. I'm going to save you."

"My heart is no longer beating. Check it."

I do as she tells me and find that she is right. "AMU!"

"Hush now Ikuto. It'll be alright. You must promise me."

Did her body always feel this cold? Did she always sound this far away? "Anything my strawberry."

"Wait for me. Don't do anything rash or stupid. Wait for me. Burn my body with the lock necklace so that we can always be connected. You must do this for me."

"I'm so sorry Amu! I couldn't save you! I wanted to save you!"

"Don't cry my neko. You did."

XXX

Am I crazy for believing the words of a dead girl? Why is it that I continue to wait even though everyone else has moved on? Her parents did. They focus solely on Ami now so that they don't have to think about her. Not that I blame them. Midori still remembers sometimes. I can see it in her eyes when she looks at me. It's not often that she catches me there, in that room that no one else will enter. She believed me when I told her that Amu asked to be cremated. I kept that promise. So now I wait.

I wait seconds. I wait minutes. I wait days, weeks, months and now almost a year. I'm waiting. My strawberry please! I'm waiting.

XXX

My dreams of her death that I dream every night often change. Sometimes she isn't injured when I get there so I watch her gain the injuries without being able to stop them. I can never protect her. I try. Oh God how I try. It is not until she breathes her last, however, that I can reach her. Then her words ring in my ears.

_Wait._

I am waiting. In my room, in hers. In the park and in the school. The guardians see me often. They have long since left me alone. All of them but Tadase. His eyes always follow me still. Blaming me for what was lost. It's okay. I blame myself too. I cannot tell him this. He will not listen to the words I wish to speak to him.

There are places that I will not wait for her. The amusement park is a place such as this. I avoid it as much as I can. The alley she took care of me in is also a place I shun. Then there is _that_ place. I won't enter that area of town. I won't go there, but I will wait. I will wait forever.

XXX

His red eyes glare at me as I sit beneath a tree. He found me in the park. I don't look at him. Can't he see that I'm broken? He can do and say whatever he wants and I will not be able to deny his words.

"You! You fucking thief! You are the reason! Are you happy now? You stole her and now this happened!"

My eyes fill with tears. They're hot, but I haven't actually cried since the day I shared them with her eyes. Those beautiful golden eyes that were burned.

Burned.

"You really are a black cat of misfortune! You killed her! She was dead the moment she looked at you!"

No my tears. You may not fall for him no matter how true his words are. I did this. I did this to him and to me. I did this to her. Please my kitten. How much longer must I wait? Please come back for me.

Finally my head rises and I look into those hurt filled red eyes. He does not look happy or angry. Just sad. Filled with an unbearable sadness. Is his sadness the same as mine? Does he miss all of her or just…? "Tell me Kiddy King? Who is it exactly that you miss? Is it Amulet Heart or all of her? She was more than just one chara change and she spent plenty of her nights crying over you and your stupid crush. I wanted to steal her heart from you because you were breaking it. I tried to save her."

"You did nothing! NOTHING! You let her die! She's gone! I'll never know now!"

He runs. He runs, crying as he goes. I let him. My words hurt me more than they hurt him. I have to sit here now with the memories of me trying to comfort her on those nights. Of how I held her tightly in my arms even though she struggled. Of how I teased her until her face couldn't be any redder. Her perfect blush. The tint just right to contrast against her hair and remind me that she is perfect through and through.

I waited for her while she was alive. I waited for her to see that it was I that could make her happy. I waited during her life and now I wait during her death.

XXX

Utau has become concerned. I carry my violin with me most places although I will not open the case. My key necklace sits inside it. I haven't touched it since before that day. I can't bring myself to do it.

"Ikuto? Are you eating enough? You seem skinnier to me. I mean you've always been on the skinny side, but I'm worried. Please eat with me."

My eyes stare at her as she shows me the sandwiches that she's made. I know that this is the best that she can do for me. She doesn't know what else to do. Purple eyes tell me that they are at their wits end. "Sure Utau. I'll eat with you."

I eat them all too. The bread suffocates me as I swallow it down, but I won't allow it to choke me. She told me to wait so I can overcome anything until my wait is over. These purple eyes are still searching for what they can do for me, but at least for now they look better.

We escaped Easter shortly after that day, Utau and I. We live alone in a house not too far from the school she went to. I know that Utau still sees the guardians regularly. I don't say anything about it since I know that they were friends too. This is her way to deal with it. I have my way. My way is waiting.

"Ikuto? Promise me something."

Blue meets purple as we stare into each other's eyes. "What is it?"

A sigh escapes her lips and she looks away before meeting my gaze once more. "Promise that you won't wait forever. I know that you're barely passing time here with us. If you have to go somewhere else to forget then go. You can always come back. Just stop waiting."

The muscles in my face move to widen my eyes in shock. Is my waiting that obvious to everyone? "This is something that I must do. I cannot promise anything, but I can tell you that I don't plan to wait for forever."

That night, as if to answer my statement, she speaks to me in my dreams. It's not the same command to wait for her like always. This time it's different. Her voice tells me to find. What does she want me to find? I can't figure it out. My eyes snap open as the sun peeks over the horizon. This is the first night that I have slept all the way through. This should excite me but the one word that bounces around my brain excites me more so.

_Key._

I have to go in there. Maybe this time my waiting will be over. I leave my bed to find the case. My violin case. Where is it? There. I open it to gaze at my violin. The small pouch should contain what I am looking for. I open it to find a knife. Only a knife.

XXX

Gone.

It's gone.

I can't find it. I must find it.

The key.

I can hear her voice telling me, begging me to search for it. I'm trying. I go to every spot that I usually wait in and even some spots that I don't. It's not there.

Gone.

All I can do is wait. Wait for a sign or wait for her.

XXX

Strange that my dream isn't about Amu. All I can see are red eyes. Angry red eyes staring at me. And a hand that I know belongs to those eyes. It's holding something tightly in a fist. Something that calls to me. Something that shines in this darkness. In this grey.

I wake from the dream to remember those red eyes. Red eyes that I know all to well. The key has told me. I know where it is. I know where to find it. At least I no longer have to wait for it.

XXX

Tadase isn't in school. He isn't at the park or his house or anywhere else I look. The stupid Kiddy King has disappeared. If I still had Yoru's help then I'd find him without a problem. I'm stuck with more waiting. Now I have to wait to find him. I'm beginning to dislike waiting. Dislike it very much.

"Utau, do you know where I might be able to find Tadase?"

Her face shows her shock clearly enough. "What do you want with him? He hates you."

This I know. I don't want to hear this from her. I don't need to hear it from her. "Yeah, I know, tell me where he is."

"Usually at her grave site. You know, where they placed the ashes. He says that it helps him to think."

I grab my case and sling it over my shoulder. My violin is my safety blanket. With it on my back I believe that I can face that place. I must get the key.

XXX

There he stands. His back is to me and I can see the glint of the chain around his neck. This stupid bastard really did steal it from me. I don't know when. No one should have been able to take it without me realizing but he did. "Tadase."

He spins to face me. His red eyes instantly tighten into a glare as he takes me in. "What do you want stupid cat?"

"Something that belongs to me. Return it."

"I haven't got anything that you didn't steal first!"

My patience is already gone. I know that I can easily over power him and take back the key, but he stills has his little chara friend. I must fight this battle on my own. I will threaten him with the knife. I know he'll easily give it back if threatened. He's that kind of person.

"Give it back."

"Oh really Ikuto? A knife is going to scare me. Ni-chan wouldn't dare hurt me."

He is tempting me to do it. Fingers lift the chain at his neck to show the key in the light. It calls to me. It calls so strongly that I can barely keep my distance. I need it. I need to feel it in my hands. What can I do against this force?

Feet take me closer to my target. My hand clasps onto his arm and I drag him away. He's laughing, but I cannot simply hurt him in that place. I will not soil that place. It is where she is now. Even if I will not go there, all that's left of her is there.

In the end I do more than threaten him to get it back.

XXX

The funeral is short and he's buried on the other side of the cemetery. I am jealous that he's even in the same area as her now. I know that he might be able to meet her sooner, but I am the one she asked to wait. Not him. It's me. I can contain my jealousy, at least for a little while.

No one suspects that it was me. They think he might have committed suicide. I am not blamed and I feel no guilt. I have the key back and with the key I have her. I can feel her. She's with me now. I don't have to wait much longer. I know it.

XXX

I think Utau might suspect me now. She knows that the knife they found with Tadase is from my case. Those purple eyes look at me with pity now. There is no more concern. They seem to ask me when it's going to be their turn. Afraid that I will snap and extinguish them like she knows I did to him. I did not snap and kill him on whim. I needed the key. The key is what connects us. She has the lock even in death. Now we are connected and I won't have to wait much longer.

XXX

_Ikuto._

Her voice sounds in my ears. I know that I am the only one that can hear it.

_Come._

I don't have to wait anymore. Amu is ready for me. She tells me what I must do. I follow her every order.

There is a person she wants me to see. I go there and wait like usual until the door opens. A tired smile greets me from her face. "Hello Ikuto."

"Midori. I have come to ask you for a favor. One that only you can grant."

XXX

"Goodbye Utau."

"See you later… Wait! What do you mean goodbye! You've never said goodbye! Where are you going? Come back!"

She races out of the house to catch up with me, but I'm already gone. I have to get to that place. The place that we picked together. I have everything I need and by the end of the night, our wait will be over.

The smell is overpowering. This is my first time back to this place but we chose it together. They were going to tear it down anyways. The gasoline covers everything. I had to fill the container several times from a nearby place to complete the task. From out of teacup I throw the lit match and watch as everything begins to burn. Everything including me.

XXX

Grey. All I can see is grey. Where is she? I know that I am dead as well. I have to find her in this grey. There is something. From a distance it looks like a flower. A pink rose. A rose in the grey. I move towards it in the only way you can move in the place.

As I near it, it changes. It's no longer a rose. It's a person. She's waiting for me now.

_Amu._

_ Ikuto._

The wait is over for the both of us. I hold her to me once more. She begins to lead me towards an area that is lighter than where we are now.

_Wait. Let us check this first_.

Without understanding how we made it happen, we stand together at our gravesite as Midori places my ashes with hers. We are in the same container. Tears wet the dust but she smiles despite it. "Be together now and forever my children."

Amu smiles at me and I return it. With the help of the wind, our voices reach her ears. "Thank you."

We walk away now. I am holding her at long last. My rose, I found you in the grey. Be my light in this gloom. I am glad that I waited.

.

Morg: That's it! I don't have any other perspectives to do this in so here you go!

Ikuto: Are you done with the depressing shit?

Amu: I hope so. I don't how many more of these stories I can take.

Morg: That's it for now. I can't promise anything about the future.

Ikuto: No one can.

Amu: I can promise that you won't get any reviews.


End file.
